I used to shrink, freeze, people-please, and hide my voice.
If I'm being totally honest, sometimes I still do. But I'm proud of my growth, and that's what I want to share with you here.
On January 21, 2017, I wanted to go to the Women's March. At lunch that day with friends, the topic came up, and the two of them dismissed it, putting down the idea of attending.
I stayed silent. Not because I didn't care, but because I was outnumbered, still reeling from a recent breakup, and worried about being liked. Quite frankly, I was also a bit shocked at their comments and had a deer-in-headlights look on my face that I was trying to hide.
That moment showed me how much energy I had spent learning to fit in, to stay agreeable, to stay "safe." It was uncomfortable. But noticing how I held back was the first step toward deciding to show up differently next time.
What changed
Fast forward to now, and I have changed. When I'm the only person in a room centering the dignity, safety and belonging of fellow human beings, I can speak up. When I face vitriol, online or in person, for interrupting or calling out harm, I don't feel alone. I've learned to stand in my truth without losing connection to others.
This is a skill you can develop and practice too, and somatics has helped me tremendously.
It's not about becoming cold, hard, or "better at confrontation." It's about feeling grounded in yourself, even when it's uncomfortable.
What I want you to know
- You can find your voice, even if fear, shame, or the risk of losing relationships has kept you silent before
- You don't have to change, evolve and grow alone. There will be people so excited to meet you where you're going
- Growth, courage and clarity are learned, and you can start anywhere. They're possible even if you've spent years shrinking, freezing or people-pleasing
It's never too late to change. It's never too late to speak up. It's never too late to align more deeply with yourself.